Dark tales of a lady vampire: Morals

How did I end like this?

There are promises you made to yourself… You promise some things will never happen, you promise you will never get to certain point…

But wind blows and changes everything.

And next, you have to do what you are not willing to do… You deny it and refuse it… Then you think about it… And you realized it is not up to you or what you want… It is not about what you believe or what you hope… It is up to what you need.

What are you supposed to do? You convince yourself it is for your own good, just for once. And you do it. You do it and you feel better, because you have done what it was necessary and, at the same time, you are full of guilt.

Guilt is stronger than being alive. You know you must not have done it but you had to do it. And what is it left once you have crossed that line? Just a little is left, is not it? And you know this is the first step to leave your old self behind…

But were you a person after this terrible moment happened to you? No, you have hope, hope of still being a person… You hoped and you believed that things might be as they used to be… Who can take easily a change in their lives? Maybe it is not even about morals or your promises but leaving everything you were behind. Maybe it is about your habits too hard to quit, the idea of doing new things, the knowledge of having to live a new life…

Being someone, being a person, having ambitions and dreams, knowing you have morals… Knowing you can be proud of yourself, with no shame.. Knowing you have a name and a reputation… Just to become in… nothing…

In just one moment, you are someone (at least it is what you think) and then you are nobody…

No, it is not true… You turned into someone who carries shame, someone who must live hidden, someone who is not supposed to exist for others…

Being bitten by a vampire is not what movies tell. Now I am one of them, just like them… Killer, murderer, ashamed and excluded… Morals and family values, gone before the need of keeping yourself alive… It does not matter how hard you fight, in the end, hunger is stronger… And it does not matter the promises you have made, you turn into a drinking-blood animal… You turn into something you never thought you would become…